Being a Healthy Perfectionist

There are two types of perfectionists...the good kind--which is mentally healthy and productive, and the bad kind--which is anxious and draining to your soul. Throughout my life I've dabbled in both without too many repercussions when I was in my bad kind of perfectionist stages. For example: when getting my Bachelor's degree, I held myself to a certain standard which resulted me in getting great grades, Dean's List, and graduating magna cum laude. All great achievements that I most likely wouldn't have been able to accomplish had I not been gifted the perfectionist trait.

However, I've also experienced the bad kind of perfestionism that left me feeling run-down, defeated, and like I couldn't do anything right. Yep, you guessed it! Right after having Lincoln, this unachievable perfectionism hit and I most likely would've been diagnosed with postpartum. I never went to any doctor or admitted my actual feelings to anyone (even myself at the time). It's only been through introspection and really finding myself that I'm able to understand what led me down that anxiety-filled track. ​

Are you a mother who makes every meal, does every bath, puts every kid down for their naps and bedtime, tries to get activities added to the day, goes outside at least once a day, eats their own meals and drinks water semi-regularly? I mean, we all do this, no? But are you a mother who knows how to step back and let someone else take the lead for once? Because I most certainly am not. I don't ask for help and I only expect the best from myself. Nobody does it quite like Mom. 

One thing I've learned to do to make myself feel accomplished is to celebrate the small stuff and not sweat the little things. Let's say I go into the day needing to do laundry, make the meals for the day, and I want to do a painting activity. It's 8 am, the baby is down for a nap, and I start our painting...Accomplishment! Instead of dwelling on the laundry or the fact that by the time we're done painting I don't have time to make anything more than a PB&J, I will celebrate the activity that turned out amazing and the bonding Lincoln and I did during that one-on-one time. It's all about mindset and healthy perfectionism. ​

Failure happens. We all hate to fail and especially hate failure when it involves our children. You're supposed to be their rock and their go-to to prevent failure. You have to hold it together all the freaking time or else who will? How much does it suck when you've picked up this stupid toy truck 50 times from the same spot because you know your toddler is going to trip on it, only for it to magically appear, your toddler trips, and boom, big bump on their head. You KNEW it was going to happen but couldn't pick up that damn toy ONE MORE TIME. It's okay...

Learn from this. Maybe, get a new bucket for toy trucks or have your toddler keep them in a designated area. Maybe it was purely an accident in which case, shake it off and move on. But I actively force myself to learn from mistakes or problems unsolved. Learn what went wrong, fix it, and you'll feel better instead of dwelling on what ifs. What if I put the truck away instead of placing it back on the table? He wouldn't have been hurt. But we don't know that. There's nothing productive coming from that train of thoughts.

One thing that I learned from sleep training my kids is the 80/20 rule. Be on 80% of the time, and the other 20%, things will be okay and you can breathe peacefully. It doesn't mean to leave your kids to run free 20% of the day. I get shivers just thinking of Lincoln being loose in the house without eyes on him. What it means is, in that 20% have your warm cup of coffee and your mom time, put your kid in front of the TV and watch a stupid show with them, let your brain turn off for a minute and recharge. And most importantly, don't feel guilty during your 20% OFF time!!   ​