It took me the entire month of April to accept my quarantine reality. One full month of denial and maintaining my high expectations before I finally let go and just understood that this is what it is and our reality wasn't going to change anytime soon. 

Going from a 3.5 month maternity leave straight into quarantine was rough. My expectation was that I would be returning to work--a situation I knew well since I had done it with my son just a year prior. I knew how the transition would look. I knew that I could go see my little girl whenever she needed me (or I needed it, more likely). I was prepared to go back to work with my two kids and my only setbacks would be figuring out how to get them both in and out of the car and what to pack them for lunch. 

What I wasn't prepared for was a household lock-down. I didn't plan for this. And if you know me at all, you know that I am a planner. I had Layla's bottles labeled, her sleep sack prepped and clean, her diapers organized with wipes and cream. She was ready to go to school. I was excited for her to have the same childcare experiences Lincoln did at her age. 

You're probably thinking the world doesn't need another complain post about how sucky quarantine life is. But I feel like my situation is a little different than the homeschooling parents, baby peeps, and still working angels. My little Layla was born in December and my maternity leave lasted about 16 weeks since I had her early. I was set to return to work on March 23rd. Guess what? I never went back thanks to COVID-19 and the state of Connecticut closing. The school I work at closed on March 20th, and we are still closed with no end in sight. My maternity leave went from a little over three months to almost six months and counting. 

Don't get me wrong, more and more I am thankful for the time I've spent at home, and more and more don't really want to go back to work, BUT it is also really sucky and some days I feel like I'm in a fog. I am not one of the grocery-going mask-wearers either. My mom does our grocery shopping, my husband is an essential worker so he can pick up random things I need, and the places I would want to go are closed (parks, walks in town, library). I literally have not left my house since March 20th (did a final Target YOLO run!). ​