National Breastfeeding Week

I did a poll on my Instagram story and discovered that to most (19 voted it was easy, and 11 voted it was hard) mothers thought breastfeeding was easy to them. I specifically asked if breastfeeding their firstborn came easy and was natural to them! I have to be honest; this was a little shocking to me and does not represent my experiences with either of my children.

Since I had such a different experience than what appears to be most, I thought I’d share my breastfeeding journey with both of my children. I hope this helps someone who didn’t have it so easy! I get you :)

When Lincoln was born, the solid 9 lbs 6 oz that he was, he immediately latched, or so I thought. In the hospital, they showed me how to get him on my boob, checked to see he was on well, and said his sucking all looked great. He gained weight quick. It felt okay, kind of weird, but I liked the immediate bond and it felt easy, no stress, and very natural. Well…we get home and the first two days were great, no issues, he seemed content, and then all of a sudden sharp pains.

Every time I would try to get him to latch, excruciating sharp pain around my nipple would take over, making the experience terrible. I’d unlatch him, and I had the super common “lipstick” nipple which after vigorous google searches I discovered meant that he wasn’t fully latched on. I used my boppy and nursing pillow to get him in the right position, had my arms in the right spots to hold him, and would brace myself for the latch.

Pain, pain, and more pain. Nothing I was doing at home was working. The first minute of every single nursing session, which as we all know for newborns is frequent with little breaks between, was intense pain so bad that it often brought me to tears.​

What felt like it should be so easy wasn’t anymore. ​

I hated nursing him but was pushing through because that is what moms do. I would close myself in the nursery and brace myself, timing each side and making sure it was all going smoothly for Lincoln. Except I was literally crying silently for the first minute each time.
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There was one time I remember going into his room and getting all my things ready…my water, a snack, my phone with a show because I had to distract myself for the latch. Chris came in and I just remember asking him to go away because I was so anxious and trying not to think of the next minute where I would be in so much pain but also be doing such an important job. It was isolating and I didn’t know why I didn’t know what to do.

It was important to me personally to breastfeed my children, and I hated that it wasn’t working. ​

After two weeks, I was done with it. My right nipple had cracked and was literally bleeding after each nursing session. I would favor the left side and then was panicking because my supply might tank. It didn’t, but I was worried it might because everyone online tells you so. I had all the creams and nothing changed. I was over the pain and dealing with other things like sleep deprivation and my husband going back to work, too.

I went to target one day and tried the nipple shield which did absolutely nothing. I would pump instead of nursing because it hurt less, and there began my hatred for the pump. That’s a story for another time, but seriously, fuck pumping. Being a working mom, that thing and that buzzing noise is the bane of my motherhood existence.
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After nothing was working and my sanity was being shit on, I finally went to the lactation consultant through Danbury Hospital. They worked with me, weighed his feed (which shocker he took a completely large amount for a little guy, almost 6 ounces), and helped me correct the latch. She told me how to do a finger switch to make sure my nipple was around his mouth and checked for a tongue tie. 

​From that day on, once my nipple had healed, we were smooth sailing. Lincoln finally was able to feed and I was able to not cry and fear each feed because I was going to be in extreme pain. For such an extreme problem, it was fixed by just asking these specialists for help and figuring out what wasn’t working.

​Layla was different. She latched right away, but I think that was more thanks to my knowledge from Lincoln than any natural ability. The thing with Layla is that she was a major cluster feeder and had colic. She wanted to be on the boob all of the freaking time and it was mentally exhausting since I had a toddler.

She didn’t start stretching from feeding every two hours until after six months. She loved nursing at night and I would just roll her, half asleep, from one boob to the next. She gained like crazy, didn’t even seem hungry half of the time, but then would want to feed again in thirty minutes. It was so time consuming and exhausting.

BOTH of my kids self-weaned from breastfeeding around 10 months old. Each time it was super bittersweet for me and I miss those right before bed feeding sessions when their eyes are droopy and they’re peacefully fading between dreams and awake. I loved the ease of being able to feed them anywhere and being able to help them, make them feel better, and comfort them in times of sadness.

Despite a rocky start to breastfeeding, it was something I always loved. I had an oversupply with each child and was able to store a decent amount of freezer supply for school and other feedings. I didn’t worry about how much they were eating because they just stopped when they wanted and would drink pretty easily. They are obviously big babies and now big toddlers. 

​​One game changing item that every breastfeeding mama should have is the Haakaa. I saved up so many ounces and saved so many shirts from a leaky boob thanks to this little silicone thing. It is an amazing tool to help save milk and makes it easier than using a pump. I wish I had it with my first!

​If breastfeeding didn’t come easily to you or you suffered from bad latches, broken nipples, mastitis, or any other breastfeeding issue, what made you push through and keep on keeping on? Please share your breastfeeding stories in the comments!